Confession Time....

So im in a weird mood today ... I found out stuff that I shouldn't have and Im trying to take that in and not let it affect me, and to be completely honest, Rush is already stressing me out. So I thought that today I would do some fun blogs starting out with a "Confession Time" blog... Ill list numbers and make confessions .. no names will be involved so everything should be okay...

1. I wish we were close right now.. your my best friend and I dunno why but I wish you were my brother so we could spend every waking moment together. that would be so much fun.
2. I bet you didnt know that i journal to you everyday and believe me I write down all im feeling, you would probably get mad if you ever happened to stumble upon it and read it.
3. I would kiss you, and you know it, your prob one of the few Union boys i would kiss...
4. I think I have a small crush on you, I absolutely love talking to you.
5. You get on my nerves alot now, I wish you were more chill all the time.
6. I wanna talk to you so bad right now, but I cant break the rules :(
7.I wish I lived with you, it would be alot easier.
8.I wanna be just like you in so many ways.

Lady Antebellum Lyrics are Amazing ...

School is going great, everything that I expected to happen didn't and thats a great things bc I was thinking to worst and none of it came true. Everything is working out, and im so happy for rush to get started because i met some pretty amazing girls tonight... I think that alot of the rules that we have to follow are kinda dumb and im so afraid that im going to break them on accident.

So my song for Day 5 is a Lady Antebellum song since I am obsessed with their music lately:

All We'd Ever Need :
Boy it's been all this time,
and I can't get you off my mind,
and nobody knows it but me.
I stare at your photograph,
still sleep in the shirt you left,
and nobody knows it but me.
Everday I wipe my tears away,
so many nights I've pray for you to say.

(Chorus)
I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we ever need.

My friends think Im moving on,
but the truth is that nobody knows it but me.
And I've kept all the works you said,
in a box underneath my bed,
and nobody knows it but me.

But if youre happy I'll get through somehow,
but the truth is that I've been spinning.

It was all we'd ever need.

Oh, thought it was all we'd ever need.

I should have been chasing you,
you should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
you should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
you could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we ever need.

Was all we'd ever need

This is to You: So all summer long I have been perusing you, this is so wrong of my when your ready your ready and if it doesnt happen them it doesnt happen but i believe that every girl needs to be perused and I would like to be persued, alot.. i like how that feels, Im a girl im supposed to be treated great and get that funny little smile when i talk about him when im getting perused and when im getting flirted with... so now im kinda just in a waiting period of life where im waiting to be sought after, if thats by you ok, if not thats ok too... but lately ive been imagining every situation without u in my life (like in the future) and i can make it, believe me this is hard work .. im completely ok, and secure in who i am right now.. I think this was a huge step for me to reach and i think its been easier knowing that right now ur my best friend like you promised... when i look at you in ur eyes.. i used to see great things but now when u look in my eyes and i look in yours i see a huge building broken down to the ground I think maybe that building was love and it looks like a lot of work needs to be done on that building in ur eyes and mine.. to bring back that special spark that people see in peoples eyes who are in love.. but i know building a building takes months or even longer...rebuilding i have learned is a very slow and long and drawn out process i guess we will see how hard the workers are willing... but Rome wasn't built in a day :)

Life's a Journey...

In previous post I had stated that I had made a goals/bucket sorta lift for this year and I have a couple of crazy things on the list and one of them is to hike. I dunno why but i really wanna hike, you know get the whole backpack with the sleeping bag attached and hike up someone.. I think that would be the coolest this ever. So I think i'm honestly gonna get to mark this one off my list this semester and not in a way that you would think, let me explain...

Everything, and boy do I mean everything that has been said to me lately has had attached.. the climb, the journey, the path...ok you get it its all been about hiking. My life this semester is about a journey that i must take. Yesterday I watched the Hannah Montana movie and she talked about the climb, my pastor this morning talked bout climbing and the long hard journey, and honestly everyone that i have talked to today has said something about it. Im pretty sure God is trying to teach me something through this.. something huge. This journey that I have been on is stressful and taken so much out of me but at the same time I love hiking.. it makes me stronger, when you have a partner (God) He supplies you with everything that you need along the way... I'm anxious to see where this mountain leads me and though the journey is hard and takes a long time and its exhausting, my God has created some pretty amazing things so im anxious to see the view from the top.. I bet its amazing :)

Day 4:

So I've been asked by several people to continue my song list that i stopped on day 4.. so i plan on doing that this week as well...My song for day four is probably one that your just going to look and and be like this is dumb and overplayed but actually when u get over that fact this song is really meaningful.. i watched the Hannah Montanna movie last night and when this song came on I just listened to the lyrics and they apply so well... just read...

The Climb
Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Chicken...Chicken.. Your a Chicken !!

So I got moved in today ( I'll load pictures later ) .. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I have new roommates this semester and I'm anxious to get to know them and have so much fun with them. I'm really tired tonight bc I've been pretty busy today .. Moving in, soccer game, baseball game.. I think this semester is going to hold alot of fun and many oportunities :)

Today you taught me something and I think I believe it .. You told me to be positive and to be happy and even if you aren't and you keep telling yourself that you will probobly start believeing it. It works.. I did it today and had one of the best days I've had in weeks.

1. I love that even though we didn't get along alot last year I think this year is gonna be different , I've had so much fun with you lately.
2. I'm so glad that your changing you opion on living conditions. Your my best friend .. Forever!! Haye gramps- give me a ball
3. It was weird today for me with you , you called wow that was unexpected buy know that I am so proud of you and I love your family everytime I hang out with them
4. I miss you and I'm coming down to see you as soon as possible.
5. Thanks for teaching me things. Like how to be positive, and I'm so glad you've become best friends with another friend of mine so we can all hang out all the time now :)

"The greatest power that a person has is the power to choose "

The Start of Something New...

So hello eveyone, Im very sorry that it has been a few weeks since my last post. Don't get me wrong I absolutly love blogging, but my mac has been broken and so I haven't been able to type anything.. It still isn't fixed but I missed blogging so much I am now continuing the habbit from my iPhone. So the last couple of weeks have been completely crazy and I had made and gotten close to so many people.. I'm gonna miss all of them when I go nvm to school but it will be nice to have people back home to connect with and keep in touch with...

I am still completely unstable in my emotions and I'm still working on that .. I'm trying to accept the new, move on and be content and not jealous in what God has blessed me with not all the people around me I can't worry about them, it makes me a miserable person to be around. I've cried alot the last couple of weeks an I'm honestly ready for my eyes to be out of tears. I am both excited and scared out of my mind to start this new semester.. I honestly can't believe I'm being this transparent here but.. I am gonna try to just roll with it and take one step at a time. I'm looking for a new best friend this semester .. One that I can call my own bc my old one isn't really a part of my life anymore but I have complete faith that God will supply that need for me :) .. I've made a list of goals or a bucketlist if you will for this semester and I'm actually really excited about it :)

There's been this person in my life since summer school and I'm really hoping that he will stay in my life this semester :) I've enjoyed the time I've spent with you and the fun times we've had together, you are so smart and I'm so excited to see what our future has in store and thanks for brunch this morning :) remember don't make promises you can't keep.

So I move into school tomorrow, as I said I'm excited and nervous .. I promise to keep everyone updated on here with pictures and everything. To all my college friends who just started with their freshman year.. Good luck.. Take some chances, stay up last , and make lots of friends. To my senior friends- I'm so excited for all of you , know that I'm here for you whatever you need this year :)

You may never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have- Corrie Ten Boom 

Day 3:

I completely forgot to post a song for yesterday so here is one that's really fun and has been stuck in my head the last few days ...
"Down" by Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne

You win some, You lose some, but you always live to fight another day...

Wow is the only word that can possibly discribe the last week of my life. God seems to have a great sense of humor and I'm loving just "rolling with it". When I felt like I was going through the worst, emotional time of my life .. God showed up and radically rocked my world. I just wanna encourage everyone to keep holding on today.. Though times may be so bad and you may not like alot of things that are going on in your life or you can't control them, Keep holding on .. The God that parted the red sea and fed his people with mana everyday is still alive and working today. I'm not saying life is easy or everything is perfect, bit with God in controlit is so much easier to live for Him.

I have alot coming up in the next couple of weeks like rush retreat, my new lifeguarding job at the YMCA in Jackson when I get back to school, a wedding of a XO sister, moving into school. Etc . And I'm kinda nervous about alot of it.. I know it will be a fun and exciting time but I still hve nervous thoghts in the back of my mind. I will keep you all updated with pictures and news.

I need prayer for my grandmother she's been having alot of test run and I can tell that it's taking a huge toll on her, I will blog later about her results when we receive information about it.. Just be praying for her.

1. I miss you more than ever I didn't think it would be this hard but I'm not gonna be selfish because I know your over there making a difference and impacting alot of people for Christ. Keep up the good work and stay strong, I know it's a daily struggle.

2. I know your so tired of crying.. I wish I knew what to say to you other than I honestly just went through all of that .. And the only thing that helped my through was my wonderful loving merciful JESUS CHRIST.. I clug to Him and He is the one who pulled me out of my sorry pit of sin.

3. I know I'm not supposed to put names in numbers but I want you to for sure know who I'm talking about- Mom you are amazing and you have been such an amazing support system for me this summer .. There's no way I could tell you thank you enough or how much I love you.. Thanks for helping me out and loving me through my uglyness this summer.

4. I thought about it today and I'm really gonna miss you when you go back to school, you have been an amazing friend this summer .. Let's please hang out everyday unroll we go back to school ..

5. I can't believe I met you and didn't put two and two together, I feel dumb.

Day 2:

Artist: The Fray lyrics
Album: The Fray
Year: 2009
Title: Never Say Never

Some things we don't talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we're falling in and out of love
the same damn problem

together all the while
you can never say never
when we don't know why
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go

picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the i can see
under your command
i will be your gaurdening
when all is crumbling
steady your hand

you can never say never
when we don't know why
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go

we're falling apart
and coming together again and again
we're coming apart
but we hold it together
hold it together, together again

don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go(x2)

Knowing

Last night a few friends and I watched the movie Knowing with Nicholas Cage and let me tell you one thing , if you want to make your mind start spinning about the end times , you should watch that movie. Last night was the second time that I have seen the movie and yet again it freaked the crap out of me .. And after watching the movie the room is normally filled with deep conversations about end times and different opions about end times. I advise everyone to watch that movie atleast once; but you must read Ezekiel 1 before you watch the movie to fully wrap your mind around it. After you get past a little Hollywood exaggeration the story turns out to be pretty acurate. We had so many questions arise from our conversation such as; why do we need sleep, Jesus coming like a theif in the night is so vague, what will end times really be like, why is Revelations so vauge, and it honestly freaked me out beoynd belief yet again after seeing it again. If anyone has seen the movie feel free to leave your thoughts on the film ...

Last night during my time of being afraid I kept remembering that in verses that talk about end times kept saying that we should rejoice in these times.. And I also know that were not supposed to worry so I laid my wondering mind in his hands and finally fell asleep.. I'm gonna be honest I have little idea about the end of the world or end times , but I am confident that God has got the whole world in control and I am one of His children so the end times should not be a scary thought for me or anyone else that is a child of Christ.

Day 1:

So this week I thought it would be fun to have a song of the day .. Leave comments and let me know what you think of the songs each day .. I'll try to choose songs from different genres ... :)

Well you're the closest thing, I have, to bring up in a conversation
About love that didn't last, but I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours, and if we were really meant to be
Well then we'd justify destiny, it's not that our love died it just never really bloomed

No I can't let go, no I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back

And then we saw our past, diverge, and I guess I felt okay about it
Until you got with another man, and then I couldn't understand
Why it bothered me so, no we didn't die we just never had a chance to grow.

I can't let go, no I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back

And it might not make sense
To you or any of my friends
But somehow still you affect the things I do
And you can't lose what you never had
I don't understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new

I can't let go, no I can't let go no I can't let go of you
I can't let go, no I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back

I can't let go, no I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Ooooooh

Can't Let Go - Landon Pigg

When God closes one door, Another is soon to be open...But you must LET GO.

I know I haven't blogged in a few days.. I've been super busy with LIFE, and let me tell you one thing LIFE is hard. Being a Big Kid is tough stuff. But yet again through it all God has still prevailed. Let me share a quote with you that I grabbed from a fellow blogger's page that will help me to explain what I've been going through...

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

~ Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

This quote pretty much sums it all up. I'm gonna get really honest and tell you that my life has been a complete and total train wreck this summer. God has completely been my "lifeguard" this summer. In my lifeguard training I learned some awesome saving techniques and some just barley keep the victims head above water. God has definitely been keeping my head above water this summer. That's where i've been this summer. But here's why... I CAN'T TAKE CONTROL. I am a major control freak and lately everything has been crashing down on me such as old boyfriend problems, roommate problems, money issues, etc. and I have tried with everything in me to control every single one of them.. but let me tell u that's not working. It like the quote said.. i must let go of everything to be able to do anything. So now i'm taking a new approach.. letting God handle it all .. and not only praying about it once or twice a week but every single day that I wake up its the first thing that I do and throughout my day I meditate on Him and continue to ask Him for the "desires of my heart"... I know God's got something amazing in store for me because He promised me in his word in Jeremiah. Tonight I was able to let go and give control to God one of the strongest holds I had pulling me down in my life... which means if I can do that these other tiny things that I like to control should be easier to give up.. I know that Satan will be attacking hard through my emotions because most of the areas I like to control have to do with my emotions, but I am filled with Christ's joy and through my life may not be perfect right now, I'm not upset because when it comes down to it God has supplied me with everything I have needed this summer and I can see Him growing and molding me through each of these struggles.

This is my prayer and cry to Christ this week...
“I will arise today, equipped and fortified To meet life’s problems, with— God’s strength to pilot me, God’s wisdom to guide me, God’s eye to look before me, God’s ear to hear me, God’s Word to speak to me, God’s hand to guide me, God’s way of life before me, God’s shield to protect me, God’s grace to save me.”

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.